My Day of Team Building

I am providing this on my blog for people who do not follow me on Facebook, also because it’s just too many words. While on my blog read some of the articles I’ve written and comment!!!! Readers and comments motivate me.

Here is the saga of my work department’s day of “Team Building”

About a week ago my boss announced a half day of “team building”. No query of what we would be doing, the decision was made. We were going to play golf! Right away I thought to myself who would want to go back to work after a morning of golf? Silly me, we weren’t going to start first thing in the morning. Nooooo. Tee time? 1:00 pm in the afternoon….in July….in Texas. It’s been over 100 degrees practically every day for the last 3 weeks or so, and it aint a dry heat folks.

I raised my hand and said “I vote for bowling”. All the macho golfer blowhards looked at me like I just blasphemed. I didn’t know golf was so popular among my colleagues, so what could I do. I mean hey, being out of the office can’t be all that bad, right?

I’d like to pause to thank all those who followed my updates on Facebook, especially Sheri Coulter, you made it fun! Thanks.

So this morning I did some work from home and left the house at about 11:15. I needed to stop by Walmart and buy some golf balls and tees. I arrived at the course at about 12:00 noon. Some others were also just arriving so we milled around until everyone got there. I don’t have golf clubs so I had to rent them.

Doodaloo-doodaloo-doodaloo ----this is the going back in time sequence….In 1984 I played my last serious attempt at golf and ended up throwing my clubs in a pond. You might find them somewhere on the golf course in Portland, Maine.

Anyway, back to me going to get my club rentals which my boss graciously reserved for me. That is when I think the farce of this whole “team building” idea was revealed. Now my attempt at a Master Card commercial:

Golf balls and Tees at Walmart - $10.50
Club Rental - $27
Greens Fees and cart rental - $55
Finding out your cheap a$$ boss made you pay $92.50 for a mandatory day of “team building” in hell – PRICELESS.

Can you believe that? I thought this was a company sponsored day of “team building”!

The next big surprise was who I got teamed up with. One guy from our office, who I’ll call The Big-A (the A doesn’t stand for what you might be thinking. His name starts with A) and two other guys who work for one of our vendors. The Big-A happens to work daily with these guys so I was kinda the odd man out right from the start. But no biggie, right? Wrong. These guys are “serious” golfers, and the first thing they asked me after introductions was, “So, how often do you get out?” obviously meaning how often do I get out to play golf. I answered, “Well…on average….each month? I’d say zero point zero-zero-zero-zero-zero-zero-zero-zero-zero-zero [pause for thinking] zero-zero-zero-zero…..zero-two times per month.”

At the first hole The Big-A tees up at the “Pro” tee. You see there are different spots to tee up your ball on each hole. The black tee is the pro tee, the blue is the standard tee the white is the women’s tee (I may have gotten the other two colors wrong so I’m admitting that now for all you “serious” golfers out there). I get ready to tee off second so I tee up on the black tee. The Big-A and the two other “serious” golfers, start convincing me to tee off from the blue tee, not the precious black tee. When I ask why, the Big-A answers, “Well I shoot in the 70s.” Is that actually an answer? Whatever, I go to the blue tee, and shank it. I could hear them grumbling behind me.

Holes 2 through 9 are pretty much the same and the heat, oh my! I am slathered with sun block, and by hole #9 I have drunk 2 liters of water and have not had any hint of needing to go pee. It’s like 178 degrees out, but I am determined.

Now to a couple of things The Big-A did.

#1 - As we were approaching the 9th hole, The Big-A called the boss who was a few holes behind us. Now understand I’m IN the golf cart with The Big-A. Here is the exchange:

The Big-A: Hi boss, how’s your game?
The Boss: Oh not too bad. What’s up?
The Big-A: Uh-huh. Hey if you want to skip a few holes meet us at the 9th and you and Ed can swap teams.
The Boss: No that’s ok.
The Big-A: Ok see you in the bar. (hangs up phone) [pause] The Big-A says nothing.
Ed: (looking right at The Big-A) Yah, none taken.

#2 – The “serious” golfers are getting upset with me because I insist on playing every hole and taking as many shots as it takes to get the ball to go in that little hole. The Big-A, in a moment of obvious compassion, tells the other two “serious” golfers (again with me standing right there among them!) that at the 14th hole he’s going to swing by the clubhouse and drop me off because obviously I am tired. That actually made me slightly mad. I responded by telling The Big-A to keep his yap shut because he doesn’t speak for me. I’m playing every hole and taking as many shots as I can get for my $93 of hell golf. Now hit the ball.

Funny things that happened:

A squirrel tried to hump my golf ball.

On the 12th hole I hit a drive and it ricocheted off a tree and landed on the green….the green of the 13th hole.

I hit a 350 yard drive! It went 328 yards straight up and landed 22 yards in front of me.

While the Big-A was taking a shot I poured some water on his seat in the golf cart. He didn’t know and I kept chuckling at the wet spot on his rump.

I took 7 shots to try and get out of one of those sand things that the “serious” golfers call bunkers or sand traps. I took big whacks with sand flying all over the place. The funny thing about it was that the Big-A told me how I could break a club by hitting the sand so hard. That’s when I told him I was using HIS sand wedge because my rentals didn’t come with one.

That’s about it. Golf isn’t my game, but life is. I love life and I love God. Thank you God for my life.



The Big-A (left) and The Boss (right)